Although it's 30 years since my first born son died, I miss him just as much today. This feeling does not diminish with time. Even though I now have 3 grown up sons and look forward to the birth of grandchildren,part of me went away with Luke all those years ago and it has never returned. The children I eventually had were born only after many other pregnancy losses during the early months and there were many times I came very close to giving up on life. But the three healthy sons I eventually gave birth to are a miracle which saved me from despair and bring me such joy. I have no particular faith, but sometimes in bed at night, I swear I feel a tiny hand take mine and I know my baby who never grew up is somehow still with me. I'm sure that somehow, because of our love for them, our children never really leave us.